SUNDAY, DECEMBER 7, 2025 - ABSENT DADS
December 7, 2025
Deborah Laforet
“Absent Dads”
Let us pray. May the words from my lips and the meditations of my heart be guided by your
Spirit and be words of wisdom for this day. Amen.
There are many people who grew up with superheroes, and I don’t mean the ones on television
or at the theatre. I mean the ones that raised you. Some would call one or both of their parents their
hero. I always feel a little envious when I hear people say this. As someone who lost a father at a young
age and whose mom was mostly unavailable, I missed having those heroes in my life, but when someone
else names their dad or mom a hero, I see and appreciate the gift that they have.
Unfortunately, there are too many children who live in single parent homes. Now I don’t think
single parent homes in themselves are inherently unhealthy, but when children feel the absence of a
parent, it can cause long-lasting harm. Divorce can sometimes be the healthiest step for a family, but
sometimes divorces can be messy, and spouses can’t work through their conflict, and children are left in
the centre of that conflict. Sometimes, when parents split up, one parent decides to leave behind, not
just their spouse, but their child or children. Feelings of abandonment can have long-lasting
consequences on children and on their lives as adults.
Unfortunately, most times it is the father who is absent. There are cases where dads are left to
raise their children alone, but mostly, it is moms who are left to raise their children alone. Here are some
Canadian statistics from 2016:
• Over 1 million children, or 19.2% of all children aged 0 to 14, were living in a one‐parent family.
For decades, one‐parent families have accounted for a significant and increasing share of families
with children.
• Of that 19.2%, 81.3% of children were living with their mother, and 18.7% were living with their
father. Now, the number living with their father has increased a little bit, about one and a half
percent, as fathers take on more responsibility, but as you can see, the gap is still quite large.
• Mothers tend to struggle more when raising children alone. Single moms continue to face gaps in
the labour market and are more likely to face poverty and food insecurity.
Now, I’m sure there are hundreds of reports on the long lasting consequences of having one
parent raise a child, especially when that one parent is struggling. It makes me wonder how different
Jesus’ life would have been without a father. In our story, Mary becomes pregnant before her marriage
to Joseph. Joseph was well within his rights at that time to quietly divorce Mary. John read for us that
Joseph was a righteous man who was unwilling to expose Mary to public disgrace. What I hear in this
passage, is that he did not want to be the cause of further disgrace, but, as an unwed mother, she and her
child still would have been exposed to it in a number of other ways.
Patriarchy has been a strong movement for thousands of years, all over the word, and one of the
demands within a patriarchal structure is that women be married and then have children. In some ways
it was about bloodlines, and property, and keeping women in check, but it was also a way of protecting
women and their children, as the men were obligated to care for the people within their household. In
our own society, women are more accepted when they have children on their own, but even today, there
are still lots of unspoken judgements and assumptions that get made.
Joseph though, within this patriarchal structure, decides to do the right thing. In our story, it’s an
angel who visits him in his sleep and convinces him to stay with Mary, but even with the presence of an
angel, Joseph still could have decided that this was not what he wanted. He could have decided to save
his reputation, because it would have surely taken a hit by marrying Mary. This was not his child,
therefore he really had no obligation. He was a carpenter; he may have also been afraid that it would be
bad for business, and Israelites during the Roman occupation were already struggling, without an
additional hardship.
Joseph though decides to do the right thing. Not only does he decide not to cause Mary public
disgrace but he becomes a part of that disgrace, a man who decides to marry a woman who is already
pregnant and raise that child as his own.
And wow, it’s a good thing he did. Only a couple of years later, after they are visited by magi
from the East, Joseph receives another dream. An angel tells him that King Herod is seeking to destroy
his child and that the family must flee to Egypt. Imagine Mary having to do this journey on her own, the
long trek from Bethlehem to Egypt, by foot, with a small child, vulnerable in so many ways. They did
not return until after Herod’s death, when they made the long trek back, this time to Nazareth.
Joseph was a man of his times. He had choices in some ways and held some power as a man and
as a tradesperson, but in other ways, he was a subject of a massive empire and at the whims of those in
power. Joseph could have decided to do what was best for him, which was not caring for a woman and
child to whom he had no real obligation. He could have kept his head down, maintaining his own trade,
and remaining an upstanding member of his community. With the prompting of an angel, he decides to
do what was difficult; he decides to put others before himself. This is what makes Joseph a hero, and,
maybe a more accurate description, this is what makes Joseph a father.
Jesus and Joseph were not related by blood, but Joseph was there from the beginning. He was
there for Jesus’ birth, and he was there when his child was in danger by the very person in power who
could have crushed Joseph if they had been caught. In our gospel stories, we never hear what happened
to Joseph. He doesn’t appear in the stories of Jesus as an adult, so most assume he died before Jesus
started his ministry, but, for the time he was around, he was Jesus’ father, his hero.
Who might you name in your life, especially in your formative years, as your protector, or
someone who made sacrifices for your sake. This might be a father or a father figure. It might be
someone of any gender, but it’s someone who makes you think of Joseph - solid, dependable, strong, not
afraid to do the right thing, even if it makes their life more difficult. I invite you to think about that
person in your life. If they are still living, you might want to give them a call or send them a note, and
let them know how meaningful they have been to you. They may not be with us anymore in this
physical realm, but you could still ‘call’ them or write them a letter. You never know what gets heard in
that spiritual realm and sometimes these gestures feel just as good for us in doing them.
Ordinary heroes surround us. Sometimes they spend a large amount of time in our lives.
Sometime they swoop in and swoop out. Don’t ignore them. Find time to appreciate them. Recognize
them for the gifts that they are in our lives. Know that you might be such a person in someone else’s
life.
May our real life superheroes inspire us, protect us, and guide us, and may our God’s love
surround us, Christ’s justice create God’s kingdom on earth, and Spirit’s wisdom fill us as we also
attempt to be ordinary heroes in the world. May it be so. Amen.
One more thing. Next Sunday, we have some actual superheroes coming to visit our space.
They are gathering to discuss how they can help save the world. Join us and help us make them
welcome in this space.
Mark 1:18-25
(Introduce yourself.)
This season we are exploring heroes, specifically those heroes who influenced the life of
Jesus. Today we will hear about Joseph, the man you raised Jesus. I am reading from
Matthew’s gospel, chapter 1, verses 18 to 25.
Now the birth of Jesus the Messiah took place in this way. When his mother Mary had
been engaged to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found to be pregnant
from the Holy Spirit. 19 Her husband Joseph, being a righteous man and unwilling to
expose her to public disgrace, planned to divorce her quietly. 20 But just when he had
resolved to do this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph,
son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in her is
from the Holy Spirit. 21 She will bear a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will
save his people from their sins.” 22 All this took place to fulfill what had been spoken by
the Lord through the prophet:
23
“Look, the virgin shall become pregnant and give birth to a son,
and they shall name him Emmanuel,”
which means, “God is with us.” 24 When Joseph awoke from sleep, he did as the angel of
the Lord commanded him; he took her as his wife 25 but had no marital relations with her
until she had given birth to a son, and he named him Jesus.
May God grant us understanding of this sacred text.